One morning I got an email with a simple but eerie subject line. “HR Management.” And I already knew. Deep in my gut, I already knew what it was about. Couple days later, the meeting happens. And my suspicion was confirmed.
I was getting laid off.
The HR people delivered the message with the longest, most corporate-speak sentence I’ve ever heard in my life. I don’t remember the exact words. But the gist of it was that my position was being made redundant and that I would be let go.
It sucks. Like, genuinely sucks. I knew it would feel bad, but I didn’t expect it to feel this bad. My first thought was “okk, I’m still a software developer, I can just find another job.” Right?
But then you start reading about other people’s experiences. People job hunting for months. Some for over a year. Talented people doing everything right and still can’t land anything. And suddenly that confidence just evaporates.
My savings buy me a couple of months, tops. And like, who’s got more than that in this economy? Not only that, I’m also supporting my family financially because I’m the panganay, so it’s not just about me.
Not just about the job
I think what scared me the most wasn’t losing the job itself. I mean yeah, that’s scary. But what scared me the most was realizing how much of my life depends on having a job.
Now, of course my whole life depends on it. Like, duh. That’s how the system works, I know that. But there’s a difference between knowing it as a background fact and actually feeling it press down on me. When the threat became real, that obvious truth hit a lot harder than I expected.
I like my life right now. I really do. My lifestyle, my routines, the little freedoms I’ve built for myself. All of it is enabled by having a decently paying job. Take that away and everything starts to wobble. The apartment, the stability, the ability to help my family, going on dates with my beautiful partner, the peace of mind. All of it suddenly felt so fragile.
That’s the part you don’t think about often. It’s not just the career hit. It’s the existential panic of realizing how thin the thread is that holds your entire life together.
I got lucky
That was the headspace I was in for a while. Just bracing for the worst and hoping something would come through before things got really bad.
And fortunately, something did. I found a new job. I know how lucky that makes me. Because for every story like mine, there are dozens of people still out there sending applications into the void, wondering if something’s wrong with them. There’s nothing wrong with them. It’s just a shit economy and a brutal job market.
But that stretch of panic and dread and uncertainty? That was a real eye-opener.
It’s a tough out there right now. I’m rooting for everyone still looking.